Thought Catalog

Life is short, so you shouldn’t waste it on someone who doesn’t understand you, refuses to try and get you, won’t put in the time for you, who is rude to you, your friends or to other people and doesn’t even call you. Don’t worry about if they read, if they don’t read, if they watch movies or if they’re into the wrong kind of music; worry about whether they care that you do. Details are important, but if the world ends this year, it’ll be more important to say you wasted the time you have left with someone who cares.

Try to regain what you’ve lost but have trouble expressing yourself. Choose all the wrong words; speak your own limited language. You’ll mean to say, “I’m keeping busy,“ or “How was your day?” or “I’ve been reading this fantastic book you’d like; you should borrow it,” but all of the sentiments just spill out of your mouth as “I miss you.” Every gap in conversation caulked with “I miss you.” You’ll momentarily question where all of your other thoughts went, you had them five minutes ago but these three words are all you can manage to articulate.

These are the months that I’ve chosen to be asleep. These are the months when I stopped liking what I saw in front of me so I decided to change it. Alter the reality, contour it to my liking. I went to sleep because nothing can hurt you there, not even dreams or nightmares. You’re slowly dying and it feels like a warm blanket that’s wrapping itself around you. Do you know how good it feels to trick people into thinking you’re alive? Here I am buying groceries and licking envelopes. Here I am laughing at the appropriate times and asking the right questions but it’s all just an elaborate ruse. I look alive, like a real person, but I’m actually asleep. When are you going to notice it? Poke my skin and the flesh will feel real. Poke the insides though and you’ll see that it’s all dead.

I am really not sure what I did before I had a Tumblr, which is strange, as I had about ten additional free hours per day. I think I probably went outside sometimes, maybe went to the movies or did some shopping, and occasionally cracked a book (okay, okay, a magazine — maybe). But now all that suffering is over, because I have an endless scrolling page full of everything I could ever dream of. What do you want to see? Fandoms? Porn? Food? Social Justice? Humor? All of the above? Great. Now you no longer even need to click around to multiple websites to occupy yourself with all the things your brain has been craving this week. It is all here for you, and your only forms of communication will now be reduced to “liking” and “reblogging,” with perhaps the zesty addition of a “THIS!” or a pertinent Glee gif. Tumblr is the black hole of all things socialization, and there is no such thing as “recreational use.” You will be blessed with all the Dr. Who and Supernatural screenshots you could ever dream of, but you will pay with your soul.